As training week number two neared its end, I decided that I needed to take the training to a new level and move outside of my comfort zone. Not that comfortable is how I would describe the past 14 days. A sadomasochistic explosion of self-flagellations through fitness training perhaps better describes the first 2 weeks of January better. However, I digress. In an effort to spice up my training, I grabbed a pen and sat down to work out what I was missing in my current training regimen. How do you prepare for a 12-mile assault course with obstacles designed by a twisted former member of the SAS?
Regular early morning running (well jogging) cardio; Check;
Weight training; Check;,
Climbing, Hanging or any sort of practice in moving my own fat ass against gravity. Wait a minute, alarm bells rang. No, No and thrice No. I have no idea if I can hang from monkey bars and swing my way over pits full of freezing water. Am I strong enough to pull my (increased) bulk up and over a wall?
But how to train? I could pay a personal trainer £45 to show me how to practice these moves in a gym, or fork out the £30 to have a go at an actual assault course in Windsor. Heck no! This is January and like most of the world who over indulged over Christmas we are counting every penny and there is no way the Boss (Mrs W) would let me waste (as she puts it) good money when there are practical things to pay for like road tax, groceries and the rent. However, I realised that I passed the solutions on my morning runs. The Local Park Playground. It had everything, monkey bars, hang rings, swings, climbing frames the lot. After a little research on the Tough Mudder site and you tube I had planned my playground work out.
On a freezing cold Saturday morning just before sun rise along with my personal support team and film crew aka Mrs Wallace we headed to the park. The reason for the early start was twofold, to avoid worrying parents and small children as I swung about and to minimize the risk of any teenage girls seeing me and pointing and laughing (Yes I have a deep seated fear of teenage girls, they are just so mean).
And so began 45 minutes of pure hell! Squats on the wobble boards sent my abs and legs into spasm. Legs and arms were torn and stretched as I combat crawled over the frozen ground. My shoulders screamed as I hung for 1-minute intervals from the climbing frame, the sight of which actually stopped a couple of joggers in their tracks. My back ached and burned as I heaved my bulk up four sets of five pull ups on the rings (yes shamefully I only get a max five sad face). Internal organs felt like they ruptured as I held vertical (well 60 degree) planks from the swing.
Finally the Monkey Bars. Hanging inches from the ground, I swung with all the grace of a mal-coordinated Orangutan. Every swing sent shudders of pain through my arms. The frozen steel sending shockwaves through my fingers as I gripped for dear life.. On the third turn, I fell, or to be more accurate I crumpled. A playground toy that my six year old nephew you had scurried across backwards and forwards on only a few months earlier had brought me to my knees. Monkey bars, from hells hart I stab at thee, with my last breath I spit at thee, how I hate you.
I lay there panting and gasping for air I managed to sputter out to Mrs Wallace “at least it should make a nice video for the blog” Sheepishly she replied “actually the battery ran out just after we started, you must of forgot to charge it. But, we can get some great clips next week when you do it again”. Again nooooooooo, well ok we need the footage sigh.
Quick plug, please remember myself and Pete are going through all this pain to complete in the Tough Mudder and more importantly raise some cash for Cancer Research and Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. So please check out the fund raising page and let your friends know to. http://myprojects.cancerresearchuk.org/fundraise/fundraising-pages/wallace-v-wallace-tough-mudder-challenge-2012
Finally it time for my weekly shaming. Remember as the biggest loser say the second week is the hardest J
Stats 16 January 2012
Weight 113.5 Kg not a lot will have to do more me thinks.
Run time and distance 6.5km 41mins (Still no walking but
it got close this morning )
Chin Ups 5 I will hit 6 by the end of week 3 I am sure.
Days to Tough Mudder 118 days
No comments:
Post a Comment